direction

what do i want?
what do i want?
what do i want?
... what do i want?

a lot of thought as to what i really want to do with my life has been eating away at my brain & energy lately. this semester is just about over and by the end of the summer i will be going into full effect with trying to get my nursing career on track. but ever since attending vitality i couldn't help but realize how much dance is a passion of mine. last night i woke up for school at 7am, had work till 9pm & hi-fi till 11pm & i was thinking to myself that i was not going to make it & i just was not in the mood. but as soon as i got into the groove of rehearsal i forgot about being tired & i was just focused on dance.

something that makes me feel this way just isn't some useless hobby that i'm wasting my life away with. i feel as if it is something more. after talking with dayna [who i absolutely adore!] she made me realize that dancing with a cause or a purpose means so much more & no one will be able to take that away from me. so it got me thinking... what if i use dance to service others. i want to help the world thru dance. if not the world, then my community but will eventually help the world. =]

every person who dances, dances with their own reasons & i think this is mine. i want to dance or USE dance as a platform to inspire & motivate others, create a dance program for the schools here in clark county, have shows to benefit worthwhile causes, motivate other dancers, etc. in my eyes, this is what makes sense. i feel as if i've had these whispers about going forth with dance in SOME way & slowly i feel these whispers turning into messages. now the messages have been stressing me out & have become a problem. i can't stop thinking about how i want dance to be a part of my life & who i am from now... untill forever.

recently, i've listened to a leadership/christian seminar on CD & it said on there... "god finished before he began" & it emphasizes that god has set a plan for you & put you on this earth for a reason. i'm suppose to start something that's already been finished & i can't help but feel that this is what i'm suppose to start. this is the direction & the vision that god has set for me.

dayna told me last night that i can do whatever it is i want & that anything is possible. all i have to do is say the word & it will be done. no one can tell me i can't do anything or stop me from doing what i love & want but myself. i think that i've stopped myself from making the leap.

ughhh! these next 2 months what out my parents are going to be a real soul searching & self discovering period for me. no parents to nag me & pressure me about anything... just me. so if it means for me to ask myself, "what do i want?" a million times to come to an answer, then so be it.