cookies n' cream

addiction at its finest.

so lately i've been eating 1 bar of hersheys cookies n' cream almost every damn day. wtf. this is soooo not healthy but dammit! i can't help it! haha along with a lot of bad food i've been eating lately, i've been sluggish. what happened to my healthy life change? i just don't know...

last night after i picked up my brother at the airport he said he needed to eat healthier & dammit we do! since the parents have been gone our diets consist of frozen hot pockets & fast food. i recently got breakfast food but that's it! i need to put my cooking skills into action now. this whole eating & feeling like crap is a no go. PLUS my brother went to the doctors and found out he had high cholesterol. wtf? at the age of 25? now that's intense.

so we went grocery shopping last night & today after work i bought more produce. so on a seriously note, healthy eating for sure. & i need to get my fatten plumpy body back in the gym & get on a runing regimine in the mornings. seriously.

gotta find the will to motivate myself because sleeping vs. running is a really hard decision at 6 o'clock in the morning. -_-

sluffin'

i am so lame for sluffin' on blogging.

its 3am & i am still awake. i'm having a hard time sleeping.
there is so much to update it on.
BUT, i am just way to lazy right now.

i promise that i'll do some updating sometime this week.
so for now...

Au revoir.

change

i seriously am in need of a haircut. although i've been working on my long hair for a while now... i really just want to chop it off! i'm leaning towards shoulder length hair right now. maybe an asymmetrical cut of some sort. i need something different!

suggestions?

direction

what do i want?
what do i want?
what do i want?
... what do i want?

a lot of thought as to what i really want to do with my life has been eating away at my brain & energy lately. this semester is just about over and by the end of the summer i will be going into full effect with trying to get my nursing career on track. but ever since attending vitality i couldn't help but realize how much dance is a passion of mine. last night i woke up for school at 7am, had work till 9pm & hi-fi till 11pm & i was thinking to myself that i was not going to make it & i just was not in the mood. but as soon as i got into the groove of rehearsal i forgot about being tired & i was just focused on dance.

something that makes me feel this way just isn't some useless hobby that i'm wasting my life away with. i feel as if it is something more. after talking with dayna [who i absolutely adore!] she made me realize that dancing with a cause or a purpose means so much more & no one will be able to take that away from me. so it got me thinking... what if i use dance to service others. i want to help the world thru dance. if not the world, then my community but will eventually help the world. =]

every person who dances, dances with their own reasons & i think this is mine. i want to dance or USE dance as a platform to inspire & motivate others, create a dance program for the schools here in clark county, have shows to benefit worthwhile causes, motivate other dancers, etc. in my eyes, this is what makes sense. i feel as if i've had these whispers about going forth with dance in SOME way & slowly i feel these whispers turning into messages. now the messages have been stressing me out & have become a problem. i can't stop thinking about how i want dance to be a part of my life & who i am from now... untill forever.

recently, i've listened to a leadership/christian seminar on CD & it said on there... "god finished before he began" & it emphasizes that god has set a plan for you & put you on this earth for a reason. i'm suppose to start something that's already been finished & i can't help but feel that this is what i'm suppose to start. this is the direction & the vision that god has set for me.

dayna told me last night that i can do whatever it is i want & that anything is possible. all i have to do is say the word & it will be done. no one can tell me i can't do anything or stop me from doing what i love & want but myself. i think that i've stopped myself from making the leap.

ughhh! these next 2 months what out my parents are going to be a real soul searching & self discovering period for me. no parents to nag me & pressure me about anything... just me. so if it means for me to ask myself, "what do i want?" a million times to come to an answer, then so be it.

love of the dance

i don't even know how i came across this picture... i was searching images on 'soul searching' & this came up as one of the hits. random BUT how fitting is this picture to describe my love of dance. i don't know... but it totally gives that vibe to me.

if dance had a heart... it would look like this. =]